My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
