She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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