i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
