I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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