whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
