My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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