the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
