btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
