i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
