I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
