Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize