I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
