And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
