u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
