I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
