Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize