She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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