Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize