I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
