I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize