Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
