I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
