Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
