Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
