She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
