After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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