I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
