And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
