Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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