You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
