i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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