the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We had sex on a dog bed..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
