I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
