It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
