There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
