I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
