Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
