i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
