Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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