I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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