I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
