I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize