I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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