you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
