just come out here and I will go home with you...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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