if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
