I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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