can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
