so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
