Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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