Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
