no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize