Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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