I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
