You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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