Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
