guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
