soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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