I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i think im in europe. pls send help
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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