So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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