maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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