i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
