my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
