South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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