please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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