You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
