I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
