I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she told me i tasted like america
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
