I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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